Mama Smurf's Been Busy

Papa Smurf is clearly potent as is made clear by the entire Smurf mushroom village that seemingly owes their patronage to him.  What I would like to know is where in tarnation is Mama Smurf and what does she look like after over a hundred little smurfs?  She probably got tired of the number of Smurfs she was expected to smurf out over endless hours of smurfing labor.

With theatrical releases of former sitcoms such as The Dukes of Hazzard, The A-Team, Starski and Hutch, Charlie’s Angels, and even Alvin and the Chipmunks – which is already into sequels – you would expect a Smurfs’ movie on the table.  It seems rich in material to ruin with the every type of Smurf and skill you could imagine, and what better villain than Gargamel.  I can see Sean Connery now as Papa Smurf, Angelina Jolie as Smurfet, Hugh Grant as Vanity Smurf.

We are definitely ready for Smurfs, especially with the recent success of Avatar, a movie about large blue people living in trees and the evil men trying to destroy their village.  It is the same principal, but this time with small blue people in mushrooms with the evil man and cat trying to destroy them and their village.  The same technology, 3D, and Les Grossman as Gargamel.

It’s also a movie for all ages, thanks to the word ‘smurf.’  Anytime I hear it, I’ll hear a profanity, while a kid will hear some nice reaffirming substitute.  If written with a clever pen it can be smurfy for everyone.

The studios would be crazy not to do it.  All of the merchandizing.  There are over a hundred Smurfs.  Kids would have to collect them all.  Lamps, blankets, pillows, cereal, playing cards, backpacks.  Sounds Smurfy to me and to be honest, I’m confounded that they haven’t done it yet.  It’s all about money, and although the Smurfs are blue, I’m seeing green.  There’s already a huge built in market.

Movies are all about a built in market.  I guess from a marketing stand point you are always looking for an angle where everything has a built in market.  We are now in the “green movement?”  “Well, now all my products are green.  We have a solar powered light at one of our factories and we use fluorescent which is less consumptive than the standard bulbs.  Stick the green symbol on our product.”  We have Smurfet.

But sticking to movies for the time being, what is a built in market/audience?  Exploit the fact that there are already fans that will pay no matter what type of garbage you turn out.  If you are making a Dukes of Hazzard movie, does it really have to be good?  Maybe the sequel will have to be, but really.  How many millions of former kids want to relive that moment during that pilot episode when the camera tilted up from the fleeing General Lee to the firm flesh that was supporting what has become known as Daisy Dukes? 

The formula works over and over as there is always a generation that is 20 years removed from their youth and their need to relive some happy childhood moment (or cowgirl rear-end.)   We are not far off from the era where we will be seeing Barney goes to Hollywood.

How do we get good movies into the theatres?  There has to be more solid filmmakers out there than P.T. Anderson and the Coen Brothers.  With the amount of money Hollywood Directors and Screenwriters get paid we should be able to go to the theatre and see a great movie every week.  We should have our choice of great movies to see.  But the studios always default to what’s safe. 

That’s because we keep paying to go.

All we have to do is stop paying to see garbage, and they’ll be forced to support better products.  It’s all about the money.

If the studios are going to continue to make sequels and remakes, can’t they at least be good?  I would be happy to see The Dukes of Hazzard if they didn’t just get a bunch of “smurfs” to dress up in Halloween costumes while other “smurfs” ran around with cameras filming lines of dialogue written by other “smurfs.”

Every time you spend your money, you’re sending a message.  You’re telling them what you like and what you want to see.

Look around.  Look at the movies in the theatre.  Commercials on the television.  Books that are popular in the bookstore.  The stories that make the cover of magazines. 

Line these items up.  Think about it.  Try to be impartial.  Now judge us as a species based on what you see and let me know if that leaves you satisfied.  Your dollars and how you spend them are what brought this on.

 ******************************************************************

After recent research I’ve learned that there actually is a Smurf movie slated to be released in 2011 starring Jonathan Winters as Papa Smurf.  This is to be a cartoon in thr tradition of the 1970’s movie and the 1980’s TV show.